So Your Spouse is a Pain and You Got Problems

Jesus said, in this world we will have tribulation. Some of it is in our marriage from time to time. It’s only thru the pain we are able to define who we are in Jesus. If you are in a pain free and problem free marriage you are in big trouble. Husband if that’s your attitude you don’t have a wife, you have a pet dog. Wife if that’s your attitude, you are living a lie giving worship to an unworthy Idol over Jesus.

It’s out of the problems and pain that the reality of our spiritual condition is revealed. Will we fight or will we cut and run? It’s a spiritual issue. Hosea and Gomer are examples God used to instruct Israel. How much more might he use pain in our personal lives to help us to a higher level spiritually. Don’t deny or suppress the pain. Embrace its effect for good.

Your problems and pain are much less than Hosea went thru. The problems and pain you have today are measurable and you deal with them such as they are. It may mean your marriage is less than you hoped it would be. You long for more. There is more. You are stuck with your pain, you can only learn to deal with it and rise above it. That is what this book is dedicated to do. If you will stay with it I promise you will benefit from it.

After almost 40 years of married life, much of it better than others I am struck by the truth which follows: by interviewing friends, relatives, neighbors, and acquaintances who have gone into painful marriages and opted out thru divorce, I have not met ONE who (other than a few physical abuse victims) who in retrospect would not say it would have been much better if they had stuck it out, fought the battle, suffered the pain and made it work. NOT ONE. Many are not Christian people. All would say that the divorce that ripped their family apart would not have happened if A. they had been Christians B. Had stuck it out longer C. or if a divorce happened, reconciled. Obviously I am not talking about someone undergoing significant physical abuse. They do not owe it to themselves, their children or anyone to stay in a marriage that threatens their very existence or well being. Among Christians the number of these desperate situations (in my experience) is very small.

I challenge anyone to come forward and differ. Other people who have studied marriage and say that it can be a good thing to get a divorce are simply wrong. There is nothing GOOD about divorce.

The number of Christian divorces we see across the country (which is phenomenal) is based substantially in inconvenience. My purpose is to help you understand that inconvenience isn’t allowed for as grounds for divorce.

Every marriage (mine included) goes thru some very difficult times. It might appear to all parties (advisors, people who tell others about the marriage, friends, casual acquaintances) that this marriage has no hope and so they advise. GET OUT. These people are helping reinforce lifelong decisions that they will be held accountable for in eternity. I fear for them.

If people understood the plan of God for their marriage, if they knew the purposes of God, if they could grasp the prophetic implications from the situation they would fight for the marriage. They would not give up so easily.

It’s from that perspective I share my passion for good marriage.
Jesus endured the cross not because he loved the pain, he hated the pain, but he understood the purpose of the pain. Jesus had a joy set before him that helped him endure the cross. Without that hope of Joy he might have given up.

I want to encourage you not to give up, recognize that they are part of the struggle. Discover in your own life those things you can identify which are difficult but if you endure will work out for good. Your life, your marriage, your covenant represents everything in your life past present and future. Learn to work with the Romans 8:28 plan God has for you. The pain is part of all things.