Temporary Insanity - Forgiveness and Forebearance
Every person has lapses; lapses in judgment, lapses in wisdom, lapses in morality. Most of the time these lapses are temporary. Sometimes they are monumental events. The lapses we hear about in the world many times involve a quart of Jack Daniels, Late Night and a seedy strip club. Lapses among Christians are more insidious. They sneak up on you. They are lies, strongholds that grow like cancer until they begin directing our lives. Once we come under their power we have little ability in ourselves to deal with this embedded demon.
These lapses are temporary insanity. In a wife many times it has to do with body chemistry. In husband it many times has to do with pride rooted in a bad decision. No matter the trigger, it’s temporary insanity.
How it manifests is more painful: I know many wives who decided they were not living the life they had dreamed about. They decide to get out of their marriage. They decide to leave their Husband and children. They want to be happy. They want to live. They want fulfillment. They want romance. This isn’t always about sex. It’s about having something they don’t have now. If you could roll the clock forward 5 years their future self would shake their finger at them and say, “wake up, what are you thinking”. An honest counselor might say, “Let me get this straight, you have a husband who, loves you as best he can. You have children who are in formative years and need their mother. You have a life (many times a good life) where you are warm, dry and well fed. And you want to chuck it all because you want to LIVE?” In effect he is saying, “You’re insane”.
The same is true for the man who takes up with a secretary or someone else to find “Happiness”. He’s suffering, from temporary insanity!
This is an infirmity as real as if he or she had cancer, kidney failure or came home with a broken arm or leg. It must be dealt with in exactly the same way. With care and understanding.
You would no more say to your spouse who is diagnosed with cancer, “What’s the matter with you? Get over it.” What about me? Who’s gonna cook my meals or, what am I supposed to do for income? If you are thinking about saying anything like this, just quack like a duck. The net effect is the same and you will do less damage.
Temporary insanity demands permanent forgiveness. Not acceptance. Forgiveness. This must be endured. This must be treated. This must be conquered. This must be healed.
If your spouse had a broken arm, leg or some other obvious problem you would be looking for ways to help, ways to serve. You certainly wouldn’t be whining “What about me”.
During this time of temporary insanity it’s not about you. It’s about your spouse. It’s about getting well. It’s about getting thru this.
The good news is, this is temporary. The disease may have deep roots. It may in fact have causes which need work. But it must run it’s course. If you value your marriage, your life, your children’s life then you must endure. This will pass. It will take time, more time than you will want to invest at the outset perhaps but the dividends are tremendous. The tassel after you graduate from this test is worth the hassle. Besides, if you decide to end it all, will you be happier after he or she gets well and is gone and the wound is deep? I don’t think so.
This kind of temporary insanity takes about 5 years to heal from. You will need doctors, you will need a hospital, you will need care, you will need hope but it’s all available in the right places. Your Christian Community.
I need to warn you however. Drugs are not the answer. I’m not talking about Pot, Crack or whiskey. I am talking about mood altering drugs designed by pharmaceutical companies to help you “Cope” with your pain and situation. They don’t help you cope, they mute your feelings. I know of several good people with whom I have spoken in this situation who under the influence of these drugs say, “I just don’t have any feelings for her anymore”. Of course not, it’s in the drugs. You can’t make good decisions about your future when you are under the influence. Be very careful about these legal drugs. They kill your ability to feel. The pain you are feeling will help you grow and learn. Dulled you drift aimlessly thru life.
Last, just like those who recover from a life threatening disease, things will never get back to like it was before. There will be a new normal. Most likely a better normal. The old normal wasn’t normal. The equilibrium you end up living in will hold better than the old one.
Forgive, heal and find a new life in a new commitment to each other. It’s worth it.
These lapses are temporary insanity. In a wife many times it has to do with body chemistry. In husband it many times has to do with pride rooted in a bad decision. No matter the trigger, it’s temporary insanity.
How it manifests is more painful: I know many wives who decided they were not living the life they had dreamed about. They decide to get out of their marriage. They decide to leave their Husband and children. They want to be happy. They want to live. They want fulfillment. They want romance. This isn’t always about sex. It’s about having something they don’t have now. If you could roll the clock forward 5 years their future self would shake their finger at them and say, “wake up, what are you thinking”. An honest counselor might say, “Let me get this straight, you have a husband who, loves you as best he can. You have children who are in formative years and need their mother. You have a life (many times a good life) where you are warm, dry and well fed. And you want to chuck it all because you want to LIVE?” In effect he is saying, “You’re insane”.
The same is true for the man who takes up with a secretary or someone else to find “Happiness”. He’s suffering, from temporary insanity!
This is an infirmity as real as if he or she had cancer, kidney failure or came home with a broken arm or leg. It must be dealt with in exactly the same way. With care and understanding.
You would no more say to your spouse who is diagnosed with cancer, “What’s the matter with you? Get over it.” What about me? Who’s gonna cook my meals or, what am I supposed to do for income? If you are thinking about saying anything like this, just quack like a duck. The net effect is the same and you will do less damage.
Temporary insanity demands permanent forgiveness. Not acceptance. Forgiveness. This must be endured. This must be treated. This must be conquered. This must be healed.
If your spouse had a broken arm, leg or some other obvious problem you would be looking for ways to help, ways to serve. You certainly wouldn’t be whining “What about me”.
During this time of temporary insanity it’s not about you. It’s about your spouse. It’s about getting well. It’s about getting thru this.
The good news is, this is temporary. The disease may have deep roots. It may in fact have causes which need work. But it must run it’s course. If you value your marriage, your life, your children’s life then you must endure. This will pass. It will take time, more time than you will want to invest at the outset perhaps but the dividends are tremendous. The tassel after you graduate from this test is worth the hassle. Besides, if you decide to end it all, will you be happier after he or she gets well and is gone and the wound is deep? I don’t think so.
This kind of temporary insanity takes about 5 years to heal from. You will need doctors, you will need a hospital, you will need care, you will need hope but it’s all available in the right places. Your Christian Community.
I need to warn you however. Drugs are not the answer. I’m not talking about Pot, Crack or whiskey. I am talking about mood altering drugs designed by pharmaceutical companies to help you “Cope” with your pain and situation. They don’t help you cope, they mute your feelings. I know of several good people with whom I have spoken in this situation who under the influence of these drugs say, “I just don’t have any feelings for her anymore”. Of course not, it’s in the drugs. You can’t make good decisions about your future when you are under the influence. Be very careful about these legal drugs. They kill your ability to feel. The pain you are feeling will help you grow and learn. Dulled you drift aimlessly thru life.
Last, just like those who recover from a life threatening disease, things will never get back to like it was before. There will be a new normal. Most likely a better normal. The old normal wasn’t normal. The equilibrium you end up living in will hold better than the old one.
Forgive, heal and find a new life in a new commitment to each other. It’s worth it.
posted by Gene at
11:59 PM
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