Marriage the Prophetic Covenant

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Getting your Oil Checked

As a man, you check your oil on your car from time to time to see if everything’s OK. It’s a clue to see if there are any problems and to see if there is a need for a change.

Men, your wife will check your oil from time to time. She will do something designed to frustrate you. She might say something to irritate you. She might pick a fight. She might buy something you told her not to. She might disagree with you about some issue for no other reason than she wants to check your oil. She wants to know if everything is OK.

She does this to discover the answers to questions she can’t ask. Are you committed? Are you willing to fight for me? Can I be secure in our relationship? Are we a partnership or am I all alone here? Do you really care? If I dropped dead, would you miss me? These and a thousand more.

So, what do you do when you sense the dipstick is in action? Stay centered, keep your eye on the ball and fight for the relationship. Believe me, she doesn’t care about the issues she brought up any more than the man in the moon. She just wants to see your reaction and she wants that reaction to reassure her.

It’s a positive thing really. She cares enough to want to work on your relationship. This isn’t a danger signal. Passivity an “I don’t give a darn” attitude is danger, danger Will Robinson.

Be positive, loving, reinforcing. Don’t get rattled. This isn’t about the issue. The issue is a straw man. You can spend all your life winning these discussions and later discover they weren’t about that at all. Win the battle lose the war.

So, get your antenna up. Tune to your wife’s frequency. Become sensitive about her true motives. Don’t feel hurt. She wouldn’t check the oil on a car she’s planning on trading in. The more she is assured of your covering of her in your relationship the less need she will feel to check your oil.

The Curse of the Power Struggle

One benefit of becoming a Christian is the fact that the curse resulting from the rebellion in the Garden of Eden has been repealed by the Blood of Jesus. For instance, we no longer die but we live again in Christ. We work, but God blesses the work of our hands supernaturally. Of course, thistles still grow. But we are to have dominion over the earth.

There is an element of the curse that is not widely shared. I believe it is not shared because of political correctness. I have never been particularly politically correct. So, hang on.

Let me be bold. When God pronounced the curse on Satan, Adam and Eve at the fall, to Eve he said an unusual thing:

Genesis 3:16 Then he said to the woman, "You will bear children with intense pain and suffering. And though your desire will be for your husband,[a] he will be your master."
a. Or And though you may desire to control your husband.

This footnote is from the New Living Translation which I find very accurate. Many people as they have interpreted this maintain that because childbirth was now to be a painful experience that God was making sexual desire in women a curse. How can that be?

I don’t agree. I’m may be in the minority. But I’m not alone. Several Bible Scholars agree with me. For Example:

Yet this does not make much sense as a curse. Why should a woman's desire for her husband cause him to dominate her? Most men would gladly accept his wife's desires for him, causing him to treat her more gently rather than roughly, as is implied in this verse. How are we to understand this?
Richard T. Ritenbaugh

Is it possible that part of the curse of the fall is a continual power struggle between husband and wife? I believe it is.

Consider the battles royal that go on in non-Christian households. She wants this, he wants that. They fight about things, people, money, relationships and a hundred other big and small things.

When there is a household out of order it can be one where HE is domineering and she is simply a doormat or SHE is a shrew and controls everything and he is a whipped milquetoast.

In both cases this is not as it should be.

This certainly is not as it should be in a Christian marriage. The power struggle was settled at the cross. Jesus is Lord of all, which includes your marriage. Then Jesus implements an organizational structure that makes the husband the head of the home and he is supposed to rule and love as Jesus loves and rules the Church as his bride. (He gives up his life for her and as men that’s what we are to do).

The Devil is in the business of destroying homes, Christian or Not. So he aggravates the curse and propagates this monumental power struggle.

Sadly many good people who profess Jesus as Savior reject him as Lord. They reject him in the power struggle that goes on every day in their home which manifest itself as manipulation, pressure, threats, pouting, temper tantrums, anger, silence and all kinds of other ungodly tactics straight from the pit of hell. This is true regardless of gender. It’s ungodly no matter how is comes off.

What is however covered directly under the curse God pronounced is when a woman wants to control the purse and apron strings in her home as she uses whatever power she can to do so. This is a manifestation of the fall of Man. A curse on wives.

So, what do you do if you are a man and you are married to a wife who controls and manipulates your every move? Who uses the most underhanded threats to push you around? Who will not allow you to make the decisions you were destined by God to make?

First, you must know that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. She is doing that to you. By your reaction you have given her permission. Not allowing you to be the man she wishes you were by her pressure is causing you to be the man she wishes you were NOT. A paradox.

Second, you must take a stand and prepare to stand the consequences. If you can’t you will continue to sanction ungodly behavior in your wife. You cannot allow this to continue. As painful as it may be you must call this bluff, even if it’s not a bluff. Then, if your stand causes even more problems, even to threatening your marriage, it will surface the root of sin in the whole episode. Right now both you and your wife are in a state of denial. You both know things are out of order. You have both bought into the democracy of marriage. It’s not a democracy. It’s a theocracy and you represent the Theocrat in marriage order.

Third, this is a spiritual issue. You are not at war with your wife. You are in conflict with the devil’s influence. She is not the devil any more than the apostle Peter was when Jesus told him “get thee behind me Satan”. But, you must recognize that the control factor in your wife is a spiritual issue. If she was submitted fully to Jesus at a deeper level you could expect her to respond in a deeper way. She is living on spiritual pabulum. You, her husband, must wash her with the word of spiritual regeneration. She must come to the place where she begins to recognize who she is in Jesus and who He is in you. This is terribly deceptive ground. Most of the time it revolves around money. Money is deceitful above all things, and it is at the root of all kinds of evil.

Get your priorities right and things will come into order. Jesus must be first, all the things of Jesus must be first, His word, what you watch, what you look at, what you do, who and where you fellowship. If you are not getting balanced encouragement in this area, find a Church that believes the word of God. Second in order is your Wife. A distant third is your Kids. Fourth friends and last your job.

If you make Jesus really first, she will follow.

If you are the wife of one of these doormat husbands you are out of order. You not in God’s will in your marriage. You don’t understand the gift of God that is your husband. You are to be subject to him. The devil has you deceived. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but the truth can set you and him free.

Last, Men, if you would have your wife be in order according to Jesus you must be Jesus to her. This means making good decisions, being loving, caring, and most of all forgiving, even when she’s a total shrew.

You will change he by your stoic focused behavior, not by giving in. Consider this, sometimes she might be crying out for you to take spiritual leadership in the home and call the empty bluff she makes. I refer you to the chapter called, “Checking Your Oil”.

It could save your marriage.

Or, it could reveal that what you have isn’t a real marriage. Do you want your heart broken now or later. Do you want to start working on having a spiritually sound and in order household now or later.

The BAD news is, there is no later, only now.


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