Husbands, Love and Death
Husbands love your wives. That’s not a suggestion. That’s a command from the Spirit of God. You don’t have a choice. This isn’t about your feelings. This is about loving her.
So, how do you love her in a biblical sense? DIE! I mean you really die. Die to your own needs, die to your own desires, die to everything in behalf of your beloved wife.
I believe that the pattern we see so often in long married couples when the wife of 60 years dies that the husband follows on soon behind. I think of Johnny Cash joining June Carter Cash within 4 months of her death. Coincidence? I don’t think so. This doesn’t happen as often with women. They seem to handle this better. The same imperative doesn’t operate.
You my dear fellow are programmed to sacrifice your life. You are created to give yourself for your wife. Years ago in times of war men literally did so without question. Things haven’t changed that much.
So if your imperative is to love and die for her then let’s see if we can help you do so.
First, you can protect her. This means that if there is something she doesn’t like, something she fears, something she is uncomfortable with, then by all means protect her. Don’t place her in a compromising situation where she has to fail. Husbands do this all the time. I don’t understand it.
This of course doesn’t mean you don’t want to stretch her, challenge her, help he reach her full potential. Just make sure you do all you can to help her succeed. If you took her skiing and you ski well. Go to the bunny hill with her, take lessons with her. Help her succeed. This isn’t about competition. This is about protecting her. It’s OK for her to become better at something than you are.
Second, WORK! Many men believe that bringing home the bacon is love and protection enough. Other men are very comfortable with their wives working and they sit on their butts all day. You have a responsibility to protect her financially as much as you can. If your wife doesn’t choose to work and you can’t make it on your salary, make lifestyle changes to fit your income. That might mean rental, old cars and second hand shops. But you need to protect her. If she chooses to work protect her in that situation. Encourage her and be her confessor when she comes home. Be sparing in advice. Offer examples. Listen. Sometimes she just needs to hear herself talk. It’s OK. This is part of protection.
Third, protect her from your relatives. Wives, here’s an admonition to you as well. You are now one flesh. I don’t care if either of your Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents hates and thinks your spouse is a ratfink, your allegiance and protection belongs to your spouse. No one else. If you are getting advice, encouragement, or pressure to deal in a certain way with your spouse from your relatives, stop it. Tell them to butt out NOW! Here’s the words, “Mom/Dad (or insert guilty party here), you know I love you, and I know you want the best for me, but I chose this person I’m married to. I swore an oath before God to make it work. So, please, If you want to be in my life I am going to demand that you never ever again say anything denigrating about my spouse, OK? If you decide to ignore this, I will choose him or her over you and I don’t want to have to make that choice”. A few strong-minded Moms and Dads will be miffed for a while but in the end the wisdom of this statement will get to them and they will admire you for your fortitude. Believe me, it’s the only way.
Last, protect her physically. Of course you would punch out anyone who tried to harm her. But help her avoid the situations which are damaging emotionally. Sometimes from you. Sometimes from others.
In any case, love this woman, give your life for her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.
So, how do you love her in a biblical sense? DIE! I mean you really die. Die to your own needs, die to your own desires, die to everything in behalf of your beloved wife.
I believe that the pattern we see so often in long married couples when the wife of 60 years dies that the husband follows on soon behind. I think of Johnny Cash joining June Carter Cash within 4 months of her death. Coincidence? I don’t think so. This doesn’t happen as often with women. They seem to handle this better. The same imperative doesn’t operate.
You my dear fellow are programmed to sacrifice your life. You are created to give yourself for your wife. Years ago in times of war men literally did so without question. Things haven’t changed that much.
So if your imperative is to love and die for her then let’s see if we can help you do so.
First, you can protect her. This means that if there is something she doesn’t like, something she fears, something she is uncomfortable with, then by all means protect her. Don’t place her in a compromising situation where she has to fail. Husbands do this all the time. I don’t understand it.
This of course doesn’t mean you don’t want to stretch her, challenge her, help he reach her full potential. Just make sure you do all you can to help her succeed. If you took her skiing and you ski well. Go to the bunny hill with her, take lessons with her. Help her succeed. This isn’t about competition. This is about protecting her. It’s OK for her to become better at something than you are.
Second, WORK! Many men believe that bringing home the bacon is love and protection enough. Other men are very comfortable with their wives working and they sit on their butts all day. You have a responsibility to protect her financially as much as you can. If your wife doesn’t choose to work and you can’t make it on your salary, make lifestyle changes to fit your income. That might mean rental, old cars and second hand shops. But you need to protect her. If she chooses to work protect her in that situation. Encourage her and be her confessor when she comes home. Be sparing in advice. Offer examples. Listen. Sometimes she just needs to hear herself talk. It’s OK. This is part of protection.
Third, protect her from your relatives. Wives, here’s an admonition to you as well. You are now one flesh. I don’t care if either of your Mothers, Fathers, Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents hates and thinks your spouse is a ratfink, your allegiance and protection belongs to your spouse. No one else. If you are getting advice, encouragement, or pressure to deal in a certain way with your spouse from your relatives, stop it. Tell them to butt out NOW! Here’s the words, “Mom/Dad (or insert guilty party here), you know I love you, and I know you want the best for me, but I chose this person I’m married to. I swore an oath before God to make it work. So, please, If you want to be in my life I am going to demand that you never ever again say anything denigrating about my spouse, OK? If you decide to ignore this, I will choose him or her over you and I don’t want to have to make that choice”. A few strong-minded Moms and Dads will be miffed for a while but in the end the wisdom of this statement will get to them and they will admire you for your fortitude. Believe me, it’s the only way.
Last, protect her physically. Of course you would punch out anyone who tried to harm her. But help her avoid the situations which are damaging emotionally. Sometimes from you. Sometimes from others.
In any case, love this woman, give your life for her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.
posted by Gene at
3:43 PM
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