The Marriage Order Prophetically Speaking

You may have heard at one time or another someone saying “his or her’s marriage is not in order”. What is an “in order” home and what does it look like? I hope to give you truth that will help you as you help others in marriage dilemmas. Maybe it will even help you. There is a prophetic marriage order. Jesus is the head of your home. Easy to say, hard to do. There are far more homes with “Jesus is the head of this home” on a towel, cross stitch, plaque or wall hanging when nothing could be further from the truth.

Jesus is a component of their home. Jesus might even end up being a weapon of condemnation against their spouse. Jesus is on the agenda. But he’s not head. This has nothing to do with being a Christian. It has nothing to do with going to heaven. It has everything to do with Lordship and submission and ORDER.

The ultimate headship of any home MUST be Jesus. If he’s not the head of a home that home is in danger of falling apart. The world knows this principle. A company’s personality reflects the it’s head. Look at Herb Kelliher and Southwest Airlines. It’s like him. Every corporation’s head eventually shapes the culture, values and personality of the company he heads up. Jesus should and will do the same in our homes. If the attitude of Jesus is reflected in the home then much of the conflict and pain can be avoided. And it starts with you.

Husbands, next to Jesus, you’re it. This is difficult because many husbands aren’t good at being the head of the home. They don’t like the role. They wish they didn’t have to do it. The fact is, scripturally and according to the Biblical order, after Jesus the husband is to be the head of the home; the head of his wife, the head of his children.

What does this mean? Ideally, he’s the man who makes the decisions the family lives by, rises or falls by, benefits or suffers from. He’s not perfect. But he is the head and he must be held accountable for making good decisions. This means he may seek counsel with his wife. But in the end he must choose. At that point, even if she has reservations, that decision must be followed. No second-guessing. No Monday morning quarterbacking. He’s your husband, he is next in line under Jesus and if your home is to be in order you will support and honor him in his position.

If a wife usurps that decision order on the part of the husband or undermines him after he has decided, then the home is out of order. Here’s the premise. If Jesus is the head of the home, and the husband is giving himself as Jesus did, dying for his wife and family, he will in fact only make decisions which are in order and which represent the sacrificial attitude Jesus carried. Everything Jesus is trickles down to the head of the home, the husband. This should and can be the best of all possible worlds.

When a wife usurps the position of her husband in decision making she is saying she doesn’t believe that her husband is operating in the best interest of the family. That she doesn’t believe he is operating as a servant to his family in the place of Jesus. In that she can help him. Not using Bible bullets as weapons, but using love and prayer. Believe me, he wants to be that servant. It’s hard wired in him. That’s what wars are fought over. Men from the beginning of time have gone into battle to fight for their families. It’s a basic drive.

In secular homes we expect out of order situations. But when it is in Christian homes it’s very sad indeed. It’s even worse when it is in a minister’s home.

There are husbands, even professing Christian husbands, who become selfish and not the head Jesus destined them to be. If that becomes the case it’s time for that wife to find a respected Christian man, pastor, or leader and have him sit down with her husband to bring him to account. I have seen more than once this situation and the husband took it very seriously, turned around and became the man of God he was designed to be.

If Jesus was your husband and you know him as the precious bridegroom illustrated in the Song of Solomon, I doubt seriously you would have any trouble submitting to him and his decisions. You would gladly put him in charge of your life. When that man who is supposed to operate in your household as the bridegroom in all the love that is ordained demonstrates flaws, she becomes squeamish and untrusting. It’s difficult but it must be solved and in order. It’s a spiritual issue.

The holy order is based on the love Jesus has for his Church and it’s family. He laid down his life for them. He gave all. He was sacrificial. That order continues with a flesh and blood bridegroom head of his household who in submission to his purpose would without question lay down his life for his wife and family. He then deserves the honor and respect and even obedience of the wife to this place of headship office in their home.

The onus is completely on the husband. It’s On his willingness to be completely submitted to his purpose in Jesus. This doesn’t have anything to do with net hours prayed per week. That’s a benefit not a measure. This doesn’t have anything to do with performing for his wife’s expectations, desires or even expressed wants. She can’t ever use her power as the object of his protection to manipulate him into her intent. This has to do with a wife trusting that her husband hears from God to do the right thing.

Even seemingly harmless emotional manipulations on the part of a wife to get a husband to come into line with her wants must be questioned as a Jezebel spirit. Manipulation is always sin (witchcraft). He can ask her, he most likely will defer to her many times, but he must be the one who makes the decision good or bad and lives or dies by it.

A woman has great power over a man. It’s not about sex. His desire to please her which goes much deeper than that. If she comes to a place where she tries to make things go her way by the bat of an eye has at it’s root control. It’s submission in all things. The next chapter is on Godly Submission. It’s not what you think.